"Ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. And once I held them, I was hooked. I'm addicted to my children, sir. I love them with all my heart, and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them every day... it's like someone saying I can't have air. I can't live without air, and I can't live without them. Listen, I would do anything. I just want to be with them. You know I need that, sir. [...] They mean everything to me, and they need me as much as I need them. So please, don't take my kids away from me."
-"Mrs. Doubtfire"
It tears into my soul reading those words. I love this movie. I recently tried to watch it for the first time since I became a parent & I couldn't get past the cartoon. How, how, HOW is this still acceptable almost 30 years later??? How is this still the standard for what is best for our children??? I can't fathom it.
If you know, you know. If you don't, you can't possibly imagine & yet I plead with you to try. It's estimated roughly half of our children will end up in a courtroom like this. I love my boys too much to do nothing. We can't change the past but we can do everything in our power to change the future.
Would you please consider helping me, my children, your children, all the children? Parents and children being ripped apart is happening on a national level, cut down to "visits" (the word makes me physically ill) & no one seems to mind! Please, help me stop this. Our children, our grandchildren deserve so much better.
If you're reading this, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As a wife, as a parent of 3 beautiful loving boys who statistics suggest will one day be in the same position their father has been in too many times, thank you.
I want to share with you the paragraph I cut from my email to my local representatives, because it is the deepest part of my heart and why I want this change so badly. And, because it's exactly what should matter most in all this legal garbage but never will.
"I mentioned above that our youngest child has
cerebral palsy. Tristan suffered a brain
injury at birth. While he participates
in many therapies every week, the greatest resource we have at our disposal is
his powerful bond with his older siblings and his enthusiasm for doing
everything he sees them do. I cannot
describe to you the joy I feel watching my children laugh together as my son
works to keep up with his older siblings.
The way my children light up when they are reunited is pure magic, and I
would give anything for them to be together consistently."
& send each of them something simple like:
"I am a constituent requesting you advocate for the legal standard of 50/50 custody in our state's family court system, requiring proof of need and/or true risk to deviate from a child's basic right to have equal access to each of their parents. I look forward to your response and thank you for your time."
And in case anyone is curious or would find it helpful, here is what I have said based on my unique experiences:
"Senator/Representative,
Greetings! I am a constituent in your area, writing to you as a mother, stepmother, and licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) with a master’s degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling. For the last 6 years I have provided individual, couple, and family counseling services to clients in the Nampa/Caldwell area. I am also raising 4 children with my husband Jason. Our older 3 children are from my husband’s first marriage. Emmalynne is 17, Garion is 16, and Rowan is 13. Our son Tristan is 2.
In different roles I both observe and experience the impact of our current laws and policies regarding parenting time. I see too many children, and parents, crave a more frequent and consistent relationship; however, that purest of needs currently goes unmet for too many. After three outrageously costly custody modifications, my own children only have equal time with their father during the summer. The basic right of a relationship with his children has cost my husband an estimated $250,000 which could and should have gone towards our children. Again, this massive investment has only resulted in seeing our children 4 non-consecutive days out of every 14 for most of the year. Tragically our story is far from unique.
Sir, the children of the great state of Idaho deserve an equal relationship with both parents unless and until one of those parents is somehow proven, in a court of law, to be an unfit parent. Individual circumstances may occasionally necessitate deviations from this standard; however, it is currently the norm, not the exception for children to have significantly less access to one parent, to such an extreme it is legally referred to as “visitation” instead of parenting. It is my great hope that as a representative of both my family and many of my clients, you will be a vigorous advocate for our children’s basic right to equal access to both parents.
As a father and grandfather, I trust you recognize the irreplaceable lessons each parent has the unique ability to impart. I am confident you are aware of the value of time when seeking to share wisdom and affection. As your constituent and a stakeholder in this matter with unique personal and professional insight, I plead with you to appreciate the urgent need for change. I urge you to make it your highest priority to learn from those who this issue influences most, Idaho’s parents and children. I respectfully request a meeting with you at your earliest convenience to discuss this critical concern further.
Thank you for your time and service.
Mary Payne, LCPC"
0 comments:
Post a Comment