Superwoman, or Superweak

I have this contradictory little view of myself.  I think I can do anything, but I can't do anything at all.  Not exactly healthy, to put it mildly.  Also, incredibly difficult to reconcile two hugely different points of view.  For example, tonight I was torn between passing out and throwing up and strongly considered doing one then the other.  Korey, Ali, & I got into a pretty good routine for about a month of going to the gym virtually every day.  They've been going to a new gym, & I decided to join today so that I could go with them tonight after karate.

Without question, my biggest obstacle in being healthy is my eating habits.  I love breakfast foods, but HATE breakfast.  I've had a horrible time eating in the morning for as long as I can remember.  I wake up sick to my stomach, & eating usually makes it worse.  It's something that when trying to lose weight, I've always had to just push through.  I've never really managed to get around it.  So I really don't eat breakfast, & I often don't eat lunch or if I do, it's not till one or two in the afternoon. 

Today I slept late, & didn't eat before leaving to sign up for the gym & to teach my karate students.  I have this theory that it shouldn't matter if I eat or not because I should just be able to power through.  No, I don't think that's reasonable.  I'm not completely insane.  But it's still what I think I should be capable of.  I don't know why.  It's not fair to me.  Obviously I can't get anywhere being cruel to myself like that.  It's insane.  It's horrible.  So somehow I have to figure out how to just be human.

I've decided to enter the Treasure Valley Weight Loss Challenge for the third time.  I don't think I even told anyone about the second time.  The thing is, winning would be awesome.  I like winning, & I like money.  But ultimately I just want an extra motivator.  It's important.  I need all the boosts that I can get.  This is nothing new for me, & not something I'm doing specific to the new year.  But last year SUCKED, & I want this year to be better in every way possible so I'm trying some new things, & trying really hard to bring back some old ones.  I haven't decided how much I'll use this blog to chronicle, but I'm sure I'll do it at least some of the time.  I'd like to regularly measure again, but I haven't yet set up a plan for that.  It's all kinda still in the works, but I'll get there someday.