Totally Taken

So......I have a boyfriend.  And I keep giggling, out of nowhere.  Like....I can't stop.  And I feel.....really good.  Amazing actually.  Tingles, maybe even bouncing if it weren't almost three in the morning & my body keeps telling me that.  The thing is, this past month an unbelievable amount of things have happened to change my life forever.  One of them would be the guy I just said "good night" to (literally, about ten seconds ago) that I keep telling "Hey.  Guess what.....you're my boyfriend" in this ridiculous girlie little voice.  And the crazy thing is, I hate people who change for other people.  But Matthew?  Just talking to him, just having him in my life, I want to be better.  I want more.  I want to be more.  What I was a month ago, before we met?  It's not enough now.  And I don't have the words for how much I love that feeling.

The thing is, it's not that he couldn't have feelings for me the way that I was before.  He did, or we never would have started this crazy ridiculous long-distance internet dating nonsense that I both love & despise.  There was something special about him, different, from the beginning.  Wow.  Can't believe that was barely a month ago.  I was facebooking with a friend & my baby sister, & I told both of them about him.  Seriously, the first night I start chit chatting with some random internet guy on the other side of the country in Virginia, I start talking about him?  That is HUGE for me.

Allie Law

how's life for you?

Mary Jessica Law

well.....had a guy hit me up on the singles' site tonight that I think could have some serious potential so I'm actually feeling a bit giddy

If I remember correctly, we texted back & forth & emails & stuff & I think we started talking on the phone around the 24th (getting a new phone makes it hard to be sure). Since then, we've talked on the phone at least a few minutes a day, usually more like 5-8 hours. Seriously, I think most of the time I spend more time working on my relationship with Matthew than I do on either of my jobs. Then again, he loves that because he trusts how much I care because I invest that much time in him. The first week we talked on the phone, I think it came out to about a full day. I was up with him (because he was driving nights) till about 5AM several days in a row.

I have shared so much with Matthew, so many things I never believed that I could, at least not if I wanted an actual relationship with someone. I've received blessings and had things come into my life that I hoped, but never believed could. I am back in good standing with the Church, though yes, I know that I didn't bother to publicize how or why that was not the case for awhile. I don't intend to change that now, though I have considered possibly doing that someday. My mental health is better than ever, as is my confidence. I'm researching game plans for improving my physical health, & all because when I talk to him I feel motivated in ways I can't explain.

Now for the kicker. I have never seen my boyfriend. Go figure. Pictures, definitely, as many as I can get my hands on, but never in person. I never thought I could do that. But the thing I haven't publicized is that recently I've had experiences clearly designed to teach me to trust myself to know what is wrong for me. It's been a small intuitive leap to realize that maybe those lessons were intended to teach me that even (& especially) in a situation which terrifies me & which I find impossible to understand how it could work, I will also know what is right for me. And despite a lot of reasonable reservations, I believe that Matthew is. And that.....feels absolutely fantastic. So here's to change, 'cause crazily enough, sometimes it's actually worth it.