The Moment You've All Been Waiting For (Why Plexus???)

So with all my health problems, I have really struggled to work.  I ended up having to quit both of my jobs in the fall to keep up with grad school, & for awhile there was a complete & total mooch which in my opinion eats your soul if you're any kind of worthwhile human being.  For obvious reasons, even though I was feeling at best marginally better physically it helped a bit emotionally when one of my jobs asked if I could come back.  I had to be very blunt about my capabilities, & it's often been really difficult for me to even get out of bed, let alone do my job well.  I hate admitting that but there it is.

For that reason I've seen so many doctors and done so many tests over the past decade or so.  For the most part, while doctors have been respectful & compassionate they have also basically come back with "you're looking great (other than weight) & we really don't see anything wrong with you".  Truly, pretty much every time I go to a doctor the nurses will comment &/or look at me like "what?!  Fat girl got great blood pressure!"  (Yes, in my head all the nurses have a black comedian voice.  Sorry.)  They're not that disrespectful of course, but all the testable things come back fine.  My PCP is wonderful, so he was perfectly willing to refer me to a neurologist who ordered vision tests for my migraines & MRIs & an EEG for my exhaustion & memory/word selection problems.  He is a great neurologist, but I about punched him in the nose when he opened with "I have good news for you!" & ended with "your brain is perfectly healthy for your age".

Over the past several years there have been a lot of moments like that, & a few wonderful ones where it feels like I almost have an answer.  When they removed my gallbladder & I stopped throwing up on the side of the road?  That was a big win.  But I still always feel like I'm walking around in a haze.  I never have the energy to do the things that I want to do, & I have to force myself to somehow do the things I need to do which often just isn't enough.  There is a party tonight, & I'm not there because I crashed as soon as I got home from work & don't have it in me to get all primped up & go.  That.  Sucks.  Hardcore.

My reasons for looking at Plexus initially were twofold: one, I feel like crap & a ton of people have been helped by taking their products.  Two: when you feel crappy, you do crappy work if you work at all which means crappy income.  Getting the vibe that I feel crappy yet???  Plexus is residual income, which means that it comes in whether you check on people buying their stuff or not.  Doesn't mean it magically appears, but if I'm in an MRI tube all day the check comes regardless.  That is so appealing.  I love my program, & I am 100% certain that it is what I am supposed to be doing.  But it takes an insane amount of time, energy, & money.  I only have so much of that, & not nearly as much as I tend to think I should.  It's vitally important to me that all of those investments go to the best possible place.

I really struggle with selling things.  Hate it with every fiber of my being.  I have done exactly two weeks of genuine sales in my life, & pretty much hated both jobs.  That being said, if I love something I talk about it.  That's human nature & I'm no exception.  When I saw a doctor who temporarily helped, you bet your butt I told people if they needed similar assistance.  But in that situation, at best I maybe got a credit on my account with the doctor's office.  Usually I got gratitude, which is awesome but doesn't pay the bills.  So obviously, I was/am desperate to not feel so dang crappy (ideally to actually feel good, whatever the heck that feels like), & if something was going to work then of course I'd like to make money off of sharing it with people if I could.

I've been looking at options & considering products (not just Plexus) because it's vital to me that if I'm recommending something to my friends & family, it actually meet their needs.  That is incredibly difficult, testing out products to make sure I believe in them, when my income is more or less nonexistent in comparison to my bills.  Doctors & tests are expensive!!!  So with this decision I have felt seriously stuck, because I need/want money & I need/want to feel better now.  All options have looked good, but not good enough to take the plunge.

Here is the kicker: my ward has been doing a ten-week "Book of Mormon" challenge.  I am crazy busy between my ridiculous need to sleep insane amounts, go to work, go to school, & study/complete assignments.  I am pretty lousy about consistently reading my scriptures, & reading enough to complete this challenge?  No way.  But about a week ago I decided that I wanted to complete the challenge, & my ego could suck it up & take the hit of "reading" by playing the audio while driving to all my various responsibilities.  Last night in Career Development we watched a film, & it inspired me to write down my financial goals even if I didn't feel any closer to making a decision.

Some of those goals were incredibly reasonable, like paying off my medicals bills.  Some were more than a little outlandish (at least to me), like my dream home & a fully funded counseling practice.  A few are vital to me, such as food storage when I have my own family, & funding scholarships for other women to receive treatment for addiction like I did.  I could not have gotten sober without that program, & I could not have gone without a scholarship.  So having the funds to give others the opportunity to also get sober is at the top of my dream list.  This morning my mom & I ran to the store, & I told her that I was struggling & thought that if I decided to move forward it would probably have to be a leap of faith.

I suck at leaps of faith.  This is especially true in my health & in finances.  If I can't see the benefit like now, I back down & wimp out.  I like to think that's at least partially due to how lousy I feel, because I'm not a wimp, at all.  But here's the crazy miracle & the answer to everything (I can't tell a short story): I got my answer.  I don't get big clear answers, ever.  But this time I did.  I grabbed my stuff for work, & turned on the audio on my way to my car.  As I walked through the garage, I stopped.  I literally froze for half a second.  The first verse that played was Jacob 2:19.

And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good - to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I ran back inside & played it for my mom.  The whole drive to work I was almost crying & trembling a little bit.  Last night Amber & I watched something with a little orphaned boy who desperately wanted a family.  One of my life dreams has always been to take in as many of those children as humanly possible.  My heart broke, & I swear that if a guy proposed to me right then with that goal in mind I probably would have said yes.  In school I have shared my history with a couple of people, as well as my eagerness to help others with the same problems.  I am so excited & anxious to be able to do that!  So seriously, I'm sick, & I want riches to administer relief.  Bingo.  God has spoken, LOUD & CLEAR.

If you are ever uncomfortable or offended because I share enthusiastically about how my life is changing, because I hope & trust with all of my heart that it will, please understand why.  Please look here & see, I know I am supposed to do this.  I am supposed to be an awesome healthy mom, wife, counselor, & friend.  I am supposed to help others get healthy & happy, in all the various ways that I can.  I hope & pray that you will support me and/or join me.  But even if you don't, I've gotten the best answer that I possibly can.  I could not be more grateful or more excited for where my life is going.  Love you all!!!